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Discussion Starter #1
So my GF and I have been together about a year and a half (I know not very long) and she has a son that I have accepted as my own as she has no contact at all with the father. When we met I was going to school full time and had a arrangement with my uncle to live in his house pretty much rent free. After a few months together she lost her job and the people she was living with made it known she was had to leave.

Because I had a house pretty much to myself I moved her and her son in. At the time I really didn't want that arrangement but she had no where to go. It was very rough getting used to having a child around as I'm a little OCD. Her and I also have opposite personalities so we butt heads on a lot of things. The biggest thing for me was because we are staying in my uncles house I like to keep things as clean as possible, and she's a little messy.

Because of the free rent I focused solely on school and haven't worked a "9 to 5". I did have a little savings but for a long time my GF only worked minimum wage part time jobs and she spent above her means so I constantly helped her pay for stuff that wasn't really necessary. This caused even more trouble between us. A few months ago I hit my "soft limit" on my savings and I really cracked down on the spending. Luckily she got a little better paying job with better hours so we weren't completely screwed.

Flash forward, I am now on my last semester of school and my uncle has had continual heath issues which has put a finical strain on him. So about 6 months ago he asked us to start paying a share of the mortgage and utilities. My father was staying with us up till then and was "paying" the utilities. I say "paying" because he barely paid. When we were asked to start sharing the mortgage my father left.

This caused even more strain on me and my GF. The electric was shut off and took us a month to get it back on. Next was the gas, it is still is officially off. Then the water was shut off last month. My father shadily hooked up the water and we use propane to cook with.

When my GF first moved in I had her apply to low income government housing, a month ago they finally contacted her. We went threw the application process and added me into the application. We got a reply from them a few days ago telling us we were denied based on her rental history. Now this pissed me off cause they didn't contact my uncle which is officially our landlord now nor did the contact her mother who she lived with and payed rent to as well.

I filed a appeal which took place today and it turned into a mess. My GF is very snappy and responds instantly without thinking bout what she says. We left the appeal in a very angry-ed state so we fought. I had to go to class so the fight didn't last very long. During class I couldn't focus because all this was on my mind. I knew that I needed to apologize to her and to commend her on keeping us a float the last months. So I came home put our son to bed and sat down with her.

Now I suck at owning up when I have done wrong so I stumbled all over my words. I basically told her that I want to be more of a team and for us to stop battling each other, I admitted I have issues with control, I apologized for allowing the stress of things to get to me, and I apologized for basically being a dick after the hearing. I then asked her what she thought.

This is when it blew up in my face. She told me she was happy when we got denied cause she was thinking about leaving me, she doesn't think she is still in love with me, she hasn't been happy for months, she has talked with coworkers bout getting a place with them, on and on with the stuff nobody wants to hear.

Now the really hard part is I really don't think I can survive without her, not in the sense I'll be heart broken, but in the sense I have no money no job all the bills are crazy high no were else to go if she leaves. I really do not know what to do..


Sorry this was long, I needed to get it off my chest
 

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Wow that sucks. What's your situation with getting a job? Gotta start hustling man, that's the wrong mind frame to think you can't do it with out her, especially if she's the one leaving you.

Keep your head up, everything happens for a reason. Don't go chasing after her and saying you can't do without her. It'll end up at the same place, y'all will just go in circles.

Best of luck!
 

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ok. I have some stuff to do so this will be short and I can chime in longer when i'm at work tomorrow.

first you are the same age as me, i've been down the relationship road a ton of times, most of them serious, so much so that I actually lament jumping from long term to long term with so few vaginal conquests in between. I can tell you that i know something hurts like fucking hell, but you had a year and a half, that not long enough to establish a life you can't live without. you will recover and you will do better.

second. even from your short post i see red flag after red flag. i would have been already out at her having a kid, but you manned up and took the kid in...good on ya. that said, kid plus part time low wage sounds like she doesn't want to pull the weight, so unless shes a 10 and NOT crazy, i really think this is gonna work out better for you in the end.

if you hit the point that you are losing gas and shit and still having to support her overspending, then seriously look at it like this...take that and stretch it across your 30s and 40s. Is that something you wanna deal with?

look I'm sure i don't know everything and i can't get in your head and replay the "good times" memories you have that are hurting so much, but trust me when I say let her go and you are getting the better end of the deal, go finish school, make bank, and fuck as many girls as you need to feel better, Then look for one that is crazy enough to keep you interested but functional enough to serve your every need and whim...or at least be a partner in the team (i prefer servitude nowadays, but to each his own).

I've been down this road enough times to be fed up with the shit women pull and i'm probably a lot more cynical than you are as it's nearly killed me on the inside so many times that I started learning how to shut off my emotions...not the best thing to do and it definitely made me much more distrustful/disliking of women lol.

and i mean hell there is always:
"Being Gay" Commercial - YouTube

i kid.
but seriously, shit gets better, you are getting off on the better end of this. find someone who will help and not hinder you, and i also recommend finding someone who is more into the things you are, it just works better.

good luck and hang in there, shit gets better
 

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Just make sure you make it through your last semester and try to find a cool level headed roommate or something. Don't worry/dwell on the girl, I know that will be difficult but surround yourself with friends and family.
 

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go to the pin board at your college and immediately put up an add for room mate...

go get a part time job, look for a server job. work Friday and Saturday night, busiest times and request to work doubles. in college I was making $400/wk average working 20hours...mind you this was fine dining, so pay is higher, but hell you should be able to make atleast $100 a day serving on the weekends no problem.

they have cash and food assistance at the welfare office, and they have programs specifically for college students.

really you just need to get your shit together....in a relationship I think you need to both be able to stand on your own feet and rely on each other for backup. you shouldn't have been soley relying on her as the bread winner. your lucky with the housing setup you have, sounds like a good deal honestly.

if she has been talking to coworkers about leaving this has been a long time coming, a woman will think about it for months before she breaks down to tell her friends and actually start making moves towards a split. cut your losses with her, a year and a half is a decent chunk of time but not so long to make it hard to move on

the break up sucks....but you need to get yourself strait before you think about bringing someone else into your heart

edt: and don't get all desperate and "I cant live without you" what am I going to do, blah blah blah to her...it might guilt trip her into staying for a while, but it wont change her mind really...just cut your losses with her....

easy way to look at it....had she not ever moved in and her housing situation didn't change in the beginning, do you think you would still be together?
 

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Seems like it was kind of a bad situation from the start. From your post it seems like she was a total drain on you. You'll be better off without her.

For the short term, look for roommates. Once you finish school try to find a job that will make you more comfortable financially.

Good luck and keep your head up!
 

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like everyone else said, you'll get through this. life is filled with struggles but they are there to test your limits and make you stronger. find a part time job and a room mate or two and do your thing. dont fall into a deep depression over something like this. i worked full time and went to school full time. it sucked but at the end of the day it was definitely worth it. hard work will always pay off so keep your head up dude. there's always a light at the end of a dark tunnel.
 

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Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
Haven't talked to my uncle but roommates are probably out as he stays here when he comes from Florida. My school is also in another county so probably wouldn't have any luck. In the last few years most of my friends have "grown up" so they are finished with school, getting engaged and buying houses so that is out too. My father isn't reliable for very much and my mother lives with her BF in a efficiency apartment.

Ohio is fuck-tarred and doesn't allow students to receive food stamps, and males have to have a dependent to receive cash assistance. I was already appealing a decision for my student loan, this semester they did something completely different and had us fill out budget forms to request a loan. Before you just applied for FASA and then accepted how much you wanted. I requested exactly my half of the estimated bills for the semester plus what I spent on my books. They gave me less then half of what I requested and best part its the lowest I have been awarded and of course tuition is higher.

So even if I get what I applied for I wont have enough. Hopefully I can get a part time job but damn near every Honda/Acura dealer in the area is full so I'll have to do something else then what I went to school for.

I know I'm being a Debby Downer, I just feel really scared and screwed in this situation. I'm so angry at myself for allowing it to get to this. I'm 30 years old and should of known better. I have completely accepted her son as my own, everyone refers to him as mine, he only knows me as "daddy" and to know I have no rights at all to him I don't know how to deal with losing him.


EDIT: Have to work 20hrs a week to get food stamps, and probably will be in that swing area where 20hrs is too much money to get them but not enough to live on.
 

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food industry dude...im telling you...you should be able to scrape by at $2-300/wk and that's totally doable part time as a server...skip the "applebees" crap ...go to a local restaurant, that's where your going to make more
 

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Do not use the child as an excuse also. I know it's hard, but it'll bring you down more. You raised him for a short time but he is not yours. Get your shit together and make a new family that you can call your own. Staying together for the sake of a child is wrong, especially if the couple aren't happy. I think it gives the wrong message. Children pick up on these things.

Get what ever job you can to earn income but keep applying for a better one. You can do it!
 

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What you need is a job and some friends. Just went through a similar situation a year ago and after a little while away from her and getting laid a few weeks later, everything worked out for the better.
 

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I left my ex and found out she was pregnant two months later. We had a daughter already and my son was born into a terrible situation. Ten years later it is not as bad, you have a large benefit over me in that you are only tied to where you are by your own mind. I had to stay around where my kids are to be here for them.

I walked away form living with them though, and for the first nine months she would not let me see my babies. My son did not know his father for the first year of his life. So I know what you are feeling, you have to be strong, cry your self to sleep for a while and move on and let your uncle, and whom ever else take care of them selves while you pick up the pieces.

It is not the end of your road, it is but the beginning, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional my man. Good luck, I know standing in the middle of a hurricane, it is easy to loose hope when the end of the storm becomes mired in a haze of fear. Hold tight, dont loose all hope before you have a chance to rectify this.
 

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Damn dude that sucks.
Well first I can tell you this. You can't stay with her just because she helps support you. That would be very bad for any kind of relationship, even friends.
Next it's time to grow up. I know how you feel. I don't work much. Mainly side jobs. I have a leg problem so normal jobs won't work for me. With that being said my girlfriend makes most of the money so I know the spot your in.

But at this point in your life you gotta get some work and try to make it. If you have money save up find a motel that is cheap enough to stay in for a month, while you save up.

I do wish you the best I know it's hard out there.
And if you can credit cards are great if you buy what you need and pay them back on time.
 

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Does your school have a work study program? I think qualifying for that is often rolled into the FAFSA, and judging from your situation you should qualify. It's not much but you do get paid and the work would be on campus so you wouldn't be spending any extra money to get to and from work (and they work around your school schedule). Another thing to look into is non need based scholarships, basically a scholarship competition usually invovling an essay. It's pretty much free money for school.

Shitty situation and I hate seeing anyone go through it. It hurts but you'll survive.
 

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I didnt read all the replies.. but the best way imho to get over somebody is to get under somebody. As for your financial issues.. welcome to the club brutha! Im sure most of us would rather be doing alot better then we currently are.
 

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I read your whole post and I'm sorry to hear about it. I bet it kinda felt good to type all that and let it out. It's cool. I highly doubt somebody will laugh at this story so don't feel ashamed. Things happen for a reason man. You said you were without power for how long? Shit man, although it was brutal, I'm sure you'll pass a short blackout like its nothing. No gas and cooking with propane? You have a good survivor mode.

No girl should be disrespected but Fuck that bitch (lol). That chick is a con artist. She did it to the last residence she was at, she did it to you and she's going to do it to the next one to survive with her baggage. It sucks about her kid cuz children are innocent. You're a grown as man and took a responsibitly. But you got played. I'm sorry it sounds like I'm talking shit, but I'm just going by what you said she said after you owned up and apologized to her n she straight out said she don't have feelings for you and he's moving out with other people? Fuck that my man. I can imagine how you felt and how you feel. It's like you're hurt cuz of how you feel for her but pist off at her at the same time. You don't need that stuff man. Now you're drained. Fucking literally.

I also don't like telling people to stop going to school and get a job to get paid now but in a situation like yours where it seems it's the only option, fuck skool lol. If what you want, or should I say, need to work, do it. Put some hours in, get paid, catch up to some bills and keep moving forward. Or keep going to school, get a part time and stay focused.

This was an expensive lesson learned. Don't worry, it happens a lot to good people often. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back to you crying full of excuses. There's a lot of females like that out there. There's 2 sides to a story and I can bet $20 that her baby's Dad dumped her stupid ass for being.... Stupid. Straight up.

Keep you're head up my boy. Make payment arrangements with the bill collectors. They'll budge. Help your family (your uncle, pops and momma too). Those are the people that will ride with you till the end. Good luck.

Dr. Pata signing out.
 

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Discussion Starter #18 (Edited)
I read your whole post and I'm sorry to hear about it. I bet it kinda felt good to type all that and let it out. It's cool. I highly doubt somebody will laugh at this story so don't feel ashamed. Things happen for a reason man. You said you were without power for how long? Shit man, although it was brutal, I'm sure you'll pass a short blackout like its nothing. No gas and cooking with propane? You have a good survivor mode.

No girl should be disrespected but Fuck that bitch (lol). That chick is a con artist. She did it to the last residence she was at, she did it to you and she's going to do it to the next one to survive with her baggage. It sucks about her kid cuz children are innocent. You're a grown as man and took a responsibitly. But you got played. I'm sorry it sounds like I'm talking shit, but I'm just going by what you said she said after you owned up and apologized to her n she straight out said she don't have feelings for you and he's moving out with other people? Fuck that my man. I can imagine how you felt and how you feel. It's like you're hurt cuz of how you feel for her but pist off at her at the same time. You don't need that stuff man. Now you're drained. Fucking literally.

I also don't like telling people to stop going to school and get a job to get paid now but in a situation like yours where it seems it's the only option, fuck skool lol. If what you want, or should I say, need to work, do it. Put some hours in, get paid, catch up to some bills and keep moving forward. Or keep going to school, get a part time and stay focused.

This was an expensive lesson learned. Don't worry, it happens a lot to good people often. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back to you crying full of excuses. There's a lot of females like that out there. There's 2 sides to a story and I can bet $20 that her baby's Dad dumped her stupid ass for being.... Stupid. Straight up.

Keep you're head up my boy. Make payment arrangements with the bill collectors. They'll budge. Help your family (your uncle, pops and momma too). Those are the people that will ride with you till the end. Good luck.

Dr. Pata signing out.


Thanks Pata and everyone else. The power was actually out for over a month like 45 days. I hooked up a power inverter to my car and did a daisy chain to her car and was able to power the TV, wifi modem and various chargers for our phones, laptop and rechargeable lights. I also got a D/C powered cooler so we could keep some food in the house. I hooked up a spare rad fan to cool the bedroom too. I'm a bit of a MAcGyver lol.

So IDK if its cause she really has no where else to go or what but she hasn't left yet. She was paid today and gave me the normal rent money. And she talked a little about what else she was going to give me towards bills this pay too. Then she called a few places trying to find a apartment, her credit is shit thou.

I've had the boy all day, hanging out and such, so she asked me if it was okay if she went out with her friend (which she usually does on payday) I didn't really know what to say and I'm a push over so I'm here watching cartoons with him.

I got a little feeling something was off so sent a ping to locate her phone (good old Android), totally not where she usually goes and no where close to her friend's house. I went full retard (and probably a little stalker-ish) and logged into her Google Voice account and read her texts. She's with some dude going to the movies with him.

What fucking sucks I have no one to really talk to that wont trip shit on her and make a already shitty situation into a worse one. I came here cause DSO has become a escape for me for a long time and I need to vent lol.
 

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Aint that some shit.. has you watch her kid while she goes to the movies with some dood.. This chick has no respect and will use anyone as long as she gets what she wants.

She shoulda dragged the kid to the movies so the dood knows its a package deal.
 
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