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Old 07-05-2008, 02:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Hysterical metaphors from english teachers

Some of these are pretty damn funny...
I think #10 is my favorite so far...lol

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1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled around inside his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the kind of wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who goes blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling west at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. traveling east at a speed of 35 mph.


15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing their kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
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Old 07-05-2008, 02:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling west at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. traveling east at a speed of 35 mph.

my favorites.
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Old 07-05-2008, 03:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
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haha those are pretty good

my favorite:

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
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Old 07-05-2008, 03:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by egriffith45 View Post
haha those are pretty good

my favorite:

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
That was my favorite by far!! all great though
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Old 07-05-2008, 03:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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22 & 24!!! those were great!! thanks for the laugh!!
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Old 07-05-2008, 04:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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haha # 3 made lol
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Old 07-05-2008, 04:33 PM   #7 (permalink)
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ROFL #5

Thanks!
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Old 07-05-2008, 04:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by EnvyTheEvil View Post
22 & 24!!! those were great!! thanks for the laugh!!
haha my thoughts exactly
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Old 07-05-2008, 06:33 PM   #9 (permalink)
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i'm just like, like, wtf?
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Old 07-05-2008, 07:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
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6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

haha, must be a blonde!
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Old 07-05-2008, 08:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
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ya, this had laughin pretty good so i thought i would share...

BTW:
i repped who i could...
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Old 07-07-2008, 01:04 PM   #12 (permalink)
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lol you negged me?? i see how it is haha
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