hulkbuster
03-06-2007, 09:44 PM
This is a rough draft I am sending in to a comic book publisher. It is a long story but it's really cool. I wanted to share this with you guys. This is just a piece of a scene from the book. When you read it think Underworld meets Hellboy (the comic book movie was a decent adaptation). Like I said it's long but it's really a cool story. I'll give you some chracter sketches here in the next post. Enjoy.
Moving through the crowd I spot her. Standing on stage singing. The crowd is completely taken over by her. Hands swaying back and forth like they are in a trance of some sort. I watche anxiously as she is nearing the end of a song. It's as though she is connecting with every member of the audience. They are caught in her gaze of tranquility. She is an average sized young woman. She's about 5'5- 5'6, she sort of has that gothic images guys kinda like these days. Dark eye makeup, jet black hair. Her eyes are brown her frazzled hair falls in her face delicately. As I watch I see 3 men move through the crowd to the other side of the stage they also seem to be intriged by her presence. But the feeling I get is that of danger. They all have heavy looking trench coats on, and seem very menacing. two of them are white and the third is black. From the looks of them and from the sense I get, it seems that the black one is thier leader. One of them is very dingy looking. His hair is long and his beard is all over his face. He has a tattoo over his right eyes. Some sort of tribal sun or moon. I can smell them from across the room. The other white male is the biggest. His head is shaven and has tattos all over his head, it looks like fire. As if his skull is on fire. He has a beard too, but his is cleaner than his companion's. But the most intimidating one of all is the black one. he is completely shaven, no facial hair no hair to speak of. Shit, he doesn't even have eyebrows! His gaze is locked onto the girl on stage. Watching her as if he were a starving lion about to pounce on a helpless wilder beast that was wounded. He looks at the 2 other gentlemen and it's as if he spoke to them telepathically. One is heading my way, it looks like they are about to make a move. Maybe these are the guys Thornn told me about. He said they would come as a team of 4 though. Where the hell is the other one?! FUCK! Where is he. Scanning the crowd, I see him....or rather her. It's the drummer. She is looking at the leader. Wait a minute, where is the one that was heading my way? Damn this is too much. I feel like i may be over my head here. "Use your senses, you can find him before it's too late" comes a voice. Damn I forgot Thornn put this ear piece in my ear, how is he watching? "I'm behind you, but you are on your own here mate! I'm not gonna get into this one. I'll give you a little bit of quick history on these guys and then that's it, I'm gonna sit back and watch." "These guys are no fucking punk rocker douche bags. They are the real deal! These guys and girl are Nocturnes. The 2 white guys are werewolves, and I mean werewolves. I don't mean the Michael Landon kind. I mean the kind that get up to 9 ft tall and weigh about 800 lbs. They will fuck you up if you don't watch it. The black guys is their master, he's a vampyre of a high order. One of the first Serephants, his name is Tial Uobome. The werewolves are his slaves, they do as they are told. But they are the least of your worries. The drummer, she's a banished Valkyrie. Her name is Tesa Vallenhart. You do know what Valkyries are right? You know the kind that takes Vikings that have died on a battlefield and take them to Vallhalla? Yeah only she's guilty of taking them to other places." "She's stronger than these other guys and also way smarter. If she figures out who or what you are. Your in deep shit! That's it, I'm gonna sit and watch. Good luck" says Thornn with a smile that I can see across the room. I close my eyes and do what Thornn said, he has never let me down yet and I don't think he will now either. I concentrate on the room and where I am standing. I beathe in and out, you know the Mr. Miagi way. And then i open my eyes, and before I know it, I smell the bastards. Like a rotten piece of meat. There is Mr. Scruffy. Gotta take him out fast and quietly. The noise is still booming and is still taken control of the crowd. I move clser and clser to the smallest of the 3 guys. I make my way to the bar, maybe 3 ft from the guys back. He seems like he is waiting on the final word from his master. I get in behind him, real good and I start to feel my heart racing! Beating like a drum! BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! Not yet, I tell myself. Gotta save the surprise. I calm myself and when i open my eyes, he's looking right at me. Along with the other 2 guys from across the way. "Shit do they know?" I ask myself. "Do you have a fucking problem!" asks the scruffy one. I notice a tattoo on is tounge. Holy shit, it's says "get fucked!" on it. damn that's funny. He gets right in my face, his eyes start yellowing over. His breath smells like dog shit. "Do you use dog shit for tooth paste, mother fucker?" I ask. Damn! I shouldn't have asked that, SMART ASS! He pushes me into the bar. The whole fucking bar jumps back like 5 ft and I see his teeth getting sharper and sharper. His eyes look, cool as hell. "Don't fuck with the top of the food chain son, stay at the bottom where you belong!" Then I see the big bald one grab his buddy's arm and give him a threatening glannce. As if to say "no, no!" "Beat it before I tear your fucking throat out!" they both start to walk away. Then I realize I have them at a disadvantage, they both are within striking distance. And I can take them out before Tial can get close enough to help. "Fuck it, do it!" I say to myself. "Hey ass hat, you have cool eyes......but you know what.." They both turn around to jump me. "....mine are cooler!" And then in a flash of red light, I change! People around me start freaking out and running. They both look shocked as hell! I grab the scruffy one and rip his arm off! I throw it at this guy who is still caught in a trance from the concert. By the time it hits hit it's a full fledged werewolf arm and it weighs about as much as the guy it hits and knocks him to the floor. The scruffy guys starts howling in agony! "Whose throat are you goona taer out now mother fucker?" I roar!
Moving through the crowd I spot her. Standing on stage singing. The crowd is completely taken over by her. Hands swaying back and forth like they are in a trance of some sort. I watche anxiously as she is nearing the end of a song. It's as though she is connecting with every member of the audience. They are caught in her gaze of tranquility. She is an average sized young woman. She's about 5'5- 5'6, she sort of has that gothic images guys kinda like these days. Dark eye makeup, jet black hair. Her eyes are brown her frazzled hair falls in her face delicately. As I watch I see 3 men move through the crowd to the other side of the stage they also seem to be intriged by her presence. But the feeling I get is that of danger. They all have heavy looking trench coats on, and seem very menacing. two of them are white and the third is black. From the looks of them and from the sense I get, it seems that the black one is thier leader. One of them is very dingy looking. His hair is long and his beard is all over his face. He has a tattoo over his right eyes. Some sort of tribal sun or moon. I can smell them from across the room. The other white male is the biggest. His head is shaven and has tattos all over his head, it looks like fire. As if his skull is on fire. He has a beard too, but his is cleaner than his companion's. But the most intimidating one of all is the black one. he is completely shaven, no facial hair no hair to speak of. Shit, he doesn't even have eyebrows! His gaze is locked onto the girl on stage. Watching her as if he were a starving lion about to pounce on a helpless wilder beast that was wounded. He looks at the 2 other gentlemen and it's as if he spoke to them telepathically. One is heading my way, it looks like they are about to make a move. Maybe these are the guys Thornn told me about. He said they would come as a team of 4 though. Where the hell is the other one?! FUCK! Where is he. Scanning the crowd, I see him....or rather her. It's the drummer. She is looking at the leader. Wait a minute, where is the one that was heading my way? Damn this is too much. I feel like i may be over my head here. "Use your senses, you can find him before it's too late" comes a voice. Damn I forgot Thornn put this ear piece in my ear, how is he watching? "I'm behind you, but you are on your own here mate! I'm not gonna get into this one. I'll give you a little bit of quick history on these guys and then that's it, I'm gonna sit back and watch." "These guys are no fucking punk rocker douche bags. They are the real deal! These guys and girl are Nocturnes. The 2 white guys are werewolves, and I mean werewolves. I don't mean the Michael Landon kind. I mean the kind that get up to 9 ft tall and weigh about 800 lbs. They will fuck you up if you don't watch it. The black guys is their master, he's a vampyre of a high order. One of the first Serephants, his name is Tial Uobome. The werewolves are his slaves, they do as they are told. But they are the least of your worries. The drummer, she's a banished Valkyrie. Her name is Tesa Vallenhart. You do know what Valkyries are right? You know the kind that takes Vikings that have died on a battlefield and take them to Vallhalla? Yeah only she's guilty of taking them to other places." "She's stronger than these other guys and also way smarter. If she figures out who or what you are. Your in deep shit! That's it, I'm gonna sit and watch. Good luck" says Thornn with a smile that I can see across the room. I close my eyes and do what Thornn said, he has never let me down yet and I don't think he will now either. I concentrate on the room and where I am standing. I beathe in and out, you know the Mr. Miagi way. And then i open my eyes, and before I know it, I smell the bastards. Like a rotten piece of meat. There is Mr. Scruffy. Gotta take him out fast and quietly. The noise is still booming and is still taken control of the crowd. I move clser and clser to the smallest of the 3 guys. I make my way to the bar, maybe 3 ft from the guys back. He seems like he is waiting on the final word from his master. I get in behind him, real good and I start to feel my heart racing! Beating like a drum! BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! Not yet, I tell myself. Gotta save the surprise. I calm myself and when i open my eyes, he's looking right at me. Along with the other 2 guys from across the way. "Shit do they know?" I ask myself. "Do you have a fucking problem!" asks the scruffy one. I notice a tattoo on is tounge. Holy shit, it's says "get fucked!" on it. damn that's funny. He gets right in my face, his eyes start yellowing over. His breath smells like dog shit. "Do you use dog shit for tooth paste, mother fucker?" I ask. Damn! I shouldn't have asked that, SMART ASS! He pushes me into the bar. The whole fucking bar jumps back like 5 ft and I see his teeth getting sharper and sharper. His eyes look, cool as hell. "Don't fuck with the top of the food chain son, stay at the bottom where you belong!" Then I see the big bald one grab his buddy's arm and give him a threatening glannce. As if to say "no, no!" "Beat it before I tear your fucking throat out!" they both start to walk away. Then I realize I have them at a disadvantage, they both are within striking distance. And I can take them out before Tial can get close enough to help. "Fuck it, do it!" I say to myself. "Hey ass hat, you have cool eyes......but you know what.." They both turn around to jump me. "....mine are cooler!" And then in a flash of red light, I change! People around me start freaking out and running. They both look shocked as hell! I grab the scruffy one and rip his arm off! I throw it at this guy who is still caught in a trance from the concert. By the time it hits hit it's a full fledged werewolf arm and it weighs about as much as the guy it hits and knocks him to the floor. The scruffy guys starts howling in agony! "Whose throat are you goona taer out now mother fucker?" I roar!