Women...

[Orion]

I seriously don't get them anymore.

There's this girl, she's the sweetest person I know. She's really good looking, has the sweetest character known to man, she's intelligent, polite (yeah I take that into account as well), and she has this vulnerability thing going for her (kinky IMO).

We had to work together as collegues for 2 months, and I really grew fond of her in that period. We got on like a house on fire, so much that some other collegues assumed we were a couple. I helped her with some stuff outside the work atmosphere as well (helped her obtain and move a free fridge for her first own residence, etc...). 2 weeks ago, she did her last day at work and we exchanged numbers, under the "let's meet up for sure" motto.

So, a couple of days later, I call her. She was sweet and all, but couldn't make it that day. Fine, she would send a message when she knew which day would fit.

2 days later... still no message. So I send a reminder. The reply : no can do this week. OK, she did have a lot to do, so I give her the benefit of the doubt.

In the meantime, my life is spinning out of control : got a job, dropped out of uni after 5 years of boozing, can't get a loan, heading for financial trouble at lightspeed... On monday, I couldn't take it any more, so I rang her and we talked for 16 minutes straight (that's a lot for me to talk on a phone). Turns out someone she knew commited suicide that weekend and she was one o the last persons to talk to him so she was pretty fucked up as well. We had a good heart to heart talk.

But still, she didn't wanna meet up. So on Wednesday, I try to ring her but she just doesn't pick up. I send a message (kind of joking about it), she coldly replies that she "has a hard time telling" but she "met someone else".

WTF ???

So I'm not even good enough for a simple dinner or a drink ?
I love her to death, care about how she's feeling all the time, etc... She's the first woman I really feel deeply about after 4 years of regret. The previous one, I had to let go before it got to the relationship stage (long story short, she was my best friend's sister and he didn't like it... I chose friendship over the woman). And now she does THIS to ME ???

Personally, I don't even think she really met someone else... I think it's an excuse. I have my reasons to do so too.

But the thought is killing me.

The worst of all is that at the time, I shrugged it off and said to her that it was OK but I still would like to have her as a friend (which I mean, she really is the coolest chick I know) and that I'd be waiting for a call whenever she can find the time for a dinner among friends.

Lame, I know.

Now I'm just too scared to call her again and tell her my true feelings and how it has been eating me up inside all week now. I've even had a deathwish for a couple of days (I'm over that now, luckily) and could barely do any work. Everything at work reminded me of her.

I dunno what to do. I don't want to scare her away by coming on too strong, but I can't continue like this either.

Hell, I know I have to tell her... the sooner the better... but it's so damn hard. I'm such a loser.

I don't know why I just bothered you all with this load, but it sure felt good to get it off my chest (again). I've done this with some of my friends, but they couldn't give any useful input nor support ("don't commit suicide" is what one of them actually said to me... triggering my deathwish-couple-of-days ! :sadface: )... maybe that's what I'm looking for on here : support. I'm pretty tangled up inside right now, but than again I think all broken men are like that.

Thanks to all who are with my rant till the end, I promise I will not make such long posts about my microcosmos of little problems again.

[possumslayer]

Just based on some of the things you said, don't focus on the chick. Sound like you have some other things that have much more lasting effects on your life, ie. boozing, dropping out of school, financial issues, etc. Work on that stuff and everything else will fall into place. Just speaking from experience, take it for what it's worth.

[Orion]

I pretty much at peace right now, I can see a way out of all of the other problems. On short term as well, so I'm not worried.

But I've come to the conclusion that I've still got nobody to share it all with when I do get it all straightened out, and she's the only one I want to share it with. I know it's fucked up, but I just can't ban the thought out of my mind.

May be I'm just being naieve (either that or I'm just plain dumb) to think that there's even the slightest chance I may have a future with her.

[Z6HatchGirlie]

Women suck. We do...but guys do too. That's the way it works. It's just a matter of the ones that don't suck as much that are easier to get along with. As for your situation..maybe you should just confront her about the true feelings you have for her, but also be honest in telling her that you don't want it to affect the friendship you would like to build with her. Tell her what you'd like. I know as a girl, I like to be told straight forward.

[Juall]

So this guy was talking to God one day, and God told him to ask for whatever he wanted. So the guy thought about it for a while, and said, "God, I want a bridge to Hawaii." God replied,"Surely you can come up with something better than that?" So the man replied,"OK, so I want to understand women." God answered, "So you want that in two lane of four lane?"

:)

[d-ranged]

sorry bro shit happens. your first mistake is you seemed a little apprehensive. call her once ,and leave the ball in her court if shes really interested she'll bite.if not your probably better off. she might have been interested ,but you might have persued her to agressively ,and scared her off. women are like night ,and day,and they change their minds just as quick.plus it looks to me you fall for a chick too hard too fast, pump your brakes on the next one bro.

[Hellhatch]

Dont try to understand them you'll beat your brain in trying. Sucks to hear you found someone you like alot and there seeing someone else I've been there before and it sucks ass. But then out of the blue i met the girl of my dreams keep your head up there are plenty of girls out there yours will come soon enough.

[ardevas09]

ok, i understand that you have an INFATUATION with her. you need to throttle back a little and look at all angles. so what if she found someone new... there are plenty of cool chicks out there, and it's not like you were exclusively seeing each other anyway. you need to worry about getting your shit together first. then worry about adding something else into the equation. you can't just jump from first grade math into quantum physics, you know what i mean? a man will do what he pleases, and it's the problem with free will... but you gotta take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. think about it.

[slowturbocx]

just let it happen man, don't try so hard and she will come to you.

[93civiccx]

Man it happens all the time. There's alot of things I wish I could do over. Like my fiancee and met when I worked at a convience store. I was going out with someone else at the time. She used to come in every morning and get coffee on her way to work. God I thought she was so hot, but I wasn't going to say anything cuz I'm less than average looking and I'm a wuss. Finally after a couple weeks she tells this guy I work with that I was cute and she wanted to hang out. I thought he was full of shit, but then she told me the same thing. So we hung out once in awhile. Then as most guys do, I wanted to do her cuz she was hot. So stupid me, I broke up with my girlfriend at the time and started going out with the hot girl. Now were engaged, but I didn't have a real reason to leave the other girl. So I miss my ex GF and I want to talk to her, but she won't have anything to do with me. I want to marry my fiancee, but a part of me wants to go back to my ex, but it's been so long that I don't think I can. I don't know where I'm going with this story, except for tell her how you feel before it's too late and she's gone forever.

[Senses Fail y0!]

You never made a move in time... Just find some way to let her know, and keep her kind of guessing. Leave HER with questions. Then just leave it at that, and move on. Don't spend too much time on her either.

So this guy was talking to God one day, and God told him to ask for whatever he wanted. So the guy thought about it for a while, and said, "God, I want a bridge to Hawaii." God replied,"Surely you can come up with something better than that?" So the man replied,"OK, so I want to understand women." God answered, "So you want that in two lane of four lane?"

:)
holy fucking shit... do you ever just shut up?

[Juall]

I don't think I ever really do. I've been told I even talk in my sleep.

[Juall]

Ok so one day Adam was talking with God, and God saw how sad the Adam was because he had noone to share the garden with. So God comes to Adam and says, " I got it, the perfect thing for you." "What's that," replies Adam."A woman, oh she's gonna be great!" "She'll love you, help you, clean your clothes, cook your meals, never backtalk, always laugh at your jokes, it'll just be great!" exclaimed God. "Yeah, that sounds great," replied Adam."But it's gonna cost ya," God said."What's that?" "An arm and a leg," said God. "So what can I get for a rib?"

:)

[eddcartes]

Just based on some of the things you said, don't focus on the chick. Sound like you have some other things that have much more lasting effects on your life, ie. boozing, dropping out of school, financial issues, etc. Work on that stuff and everything else will fall into place. Just speaking from experience, take it for what it's worth.

+1. just get her out of your mind. sometimes it happens that when we're in the gutter the though or fantasy of someone saving us becomes an obsession. let put that in other words: it is not the same a fantasy of salvation than salvation becoming a fantasy. i hope you get what i'm talking about. if you want to save yourself from yourself, you got to work it out, mang. cut the booze, the deathwish and get back to your studies and finish your grade.

[flatfourfan]

ok, i understand that you have an INFATUATION with her. you need to throttle back a little and look at all angles. so what if she found someone new... there are plenty of cool chicks out there, and it's not like you were exclusively seeing each other anyway. you need to worry about getting your shit together first. then worry about adding something else into the equation. you can't just jump from first grade math into quantum physics, you know what i mean? a man will do what he pleases, and it's the problem with free will... but you gotta take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. think about it.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

[myHonda1]

good things come to those who wait.
sounds gay, but its true.
get your life straight first...

[Steve-O]

... In the meantime, my life is spinning out of control : got a job, dropped out of uni after 5 years of boozing, can't get a loan, heading for financial trouble at lightspeed ...

Thanks to all who are with my rant till the end, I promise I will not make such long posts about my microcosmos of little problems again.as was said by others, that is THE most important thing to deal with right now man, believe me. financially, i have been in yours shoes. at 31 years of age i had to basically start all over again from scratch financially and now at almost 33, i'm slowly sailing on financial seas which prior to 2004 found me sinking fast into them. the best thing you can do is look after #1 and that is YOU.

i remember a saying in an old skate mag and it has held true to me then and now...

when you're at the bottom you always know which way is up :TU:

this is so true. even if you have to start with a low paying job, move back home or in with a friend (NOT a girl you have feelings for), walk instead of drive, you CAN get back on track. i'm going to be 33 in january. i have a 10 month old daughter, child support payments and a debt load of approx $17,000 which i'm paying off almost 2 years early. i went from making (and ultimately wasting) $20/hr in a factory which when it closed down i dropped to $8-10/hr for a few years. i ultimately chose to stop driving, bought a decent commuter bike and ride or walk to work. i have my daughter on weekends and i pay ppl $5 each time to give me rides or take me places if i need to. i walk to the grocery store to get groceries. i make a monthly budget and follow a debt reduction plan in my microsoft money program and stick to it (btw if you have a computer, i would HIGHLY recommend this program. you can get a free 3-month trial of it here: http://www.microsoft.com/money/default.mspx . i swear by this bill gates godsend and it will seriously help turn your finances around).

every now and then i'll treat myself for sticking to my plan whether it be a night out with the guys or a small gift to myself so i don't feel deprived. i look/wait for sales, special offers or free samples when shopping for myself or buying things for my daughter. there's a world of things you can do that i can tell you that you can do to get things in line and if you want to know what i do, just ask :TU:

i now work as an apprentice honda tech making ok money but it took alot of hard lessons learned to open my eyes as wide as they are today. i'm not special or a poster child for financial wellness but along with many other people i'm proof that with some sacrifices and good self-diagnostic skills, you can turn your life around and get back on track.

if debt is killing you, look at your options with an accreditted debt counselling service. most offer free consultations and can offer a world of advice for those overhwelmed by their financial situation.

oh and if you've seen some on my posts and rants my friend, you won't feel bad so please don't. we're all family here and we're here to help whether it's hondas, women or life. i've made alot of mistakes in my day and i'd be more than happy to help others not make the same :TU:

[Steve-O]

one more thing...i know this had to do with women and i kind went off on life, but unless this woman is your wife, your finacee or the mother of your child and is a major factor in your life, DO NOT concern yourself with her until YOU are straightend out.

you have to look at it from this point of view: does making that girl happy or having her in your life satisfy a NEED or TRUE NECCESSITY? or does it just satisfy a PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL WANT or LUXURY?

if you spend time worrying about her, who's gonna spend time worrying about you?

[turboedpickup]

one more thing...i know this had to do with women and i kind went off on life, but unless this woman is your wife, your finacee or the mother of your child and is a major factor in your life, DO NOT concern yourself with her until YOU are straightend out.

you have to look at it from this point of view: does making that girl happy or having her in your life satisfy a NEED or TRUE NECCESSITY? or does it just satisfy a PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL WANT or LUXURY?

if you spend time worrying about her, who's gonna spend time worrying about you?

these are some good words.

before you go on worrying about a lady...you need to make sure that you're all straightened out first. someone told me... "you shouldn't find your strength in a lady, you should be there to offer it."

time heals.

[sql_civic]

Well after 18 years of marriage I finally figured out my wife. That is, until she found out and changed her mind about everything. So now I'm back to square one. :hammer:

But enough about me..

There's some good advice on this thread so it shouldn't be too hard to figure out what to do. It's easy to know the right thing to do. It's doing the right thing that's that hard part.

But I say this. I don't think she's ready for you. But I think you should show her how you feel but don't be straight forward - it could make things too awkward for her and leave you in dispair. She may avoid you even more if she knows you're hot and heavy for her. So hang back, show her you care from time to time. Check in on her. Smile at her when you see her and pay her a compliment. Tell her how much you fun you had with her while you were working together - but keep the pressure off. Eventually she might show some serious interest. If not, then move on big time and get as many dates as you can. Go out with freakin anyone and sooner or later the real Miss Right will be found.

In the mean time lay off the booze (a little) and get an education and set yourself up for life.

Peace.

[MrHalder]

listen to steve-o .... its not selfish to think of yourself first.

[Steve-O]

...It's easy to know the right thing to do. It's doing the right thing that's that hard part...:werd:

we can tell you all day long what to do but in the end it's what YOU decide to do that's going to make the difference. i don't know how many times i've given advice to friends on women or life (simply based on the mistakes i've made and the lessons i've learned myself) only to hear them do what their heart tells them to do

also, remember that your heart and love is blind in 99.95% of situations. listen to your gut, your conscience and your mind in those scenarios. how man men on this earth have gone crazy, gone to their grave or come close to it because they listend to that blasted pumping muscle inside their chest :sadface:

:beer: to you (a non-alcoholic .5 beer of course) and hoping that you get your life pointed in the right direction. believe me man, when things start finally going your way, the happiness and good is almost euphoric and keeps pushing you to progress and grow better :TU:

[Orion]

Well, I haven't checked this thread since the day I started it but... I have taken action.

I rang her, and eventually she picked up the phone.

I told her straight what I'm feeling for her but that I don't hate her for giving me the run-around.

She was cool about it, said she appreciated my honesty because she knows how hard it is to be honest about true feelings. (like I hadn't noticed :hammer: )

Turns out that "other guy" is her ex, but it's a "complicated situation". :roll: So basically she still likes him but he's gone or something like that, I think.

Anyway, halfway through the conversation she started making apologies for the way she acted and all, and she hung up with a "see you later". :)

I've decided to let her work it out on herself, I can use my time in a different manner right now as well.

Mad rep to all the good advice in this thread, especially Steve-O because he must've taken an hour to type all of that down ! :TU:

And SQL_Civic...

Well after 18 years of marriage I finally figured out my wife. That is, until she found out and changed her mind about everything. So now I'm back to square one.

That was funny as hell ! :lol:


PS : I'm actually not that quickly infatuated with a girl... it's only the second time in my life and I'm 23 (though I must sound like a teenager at this point :D ). Never even had a decent relationship, just some fooling around basically. Maybe that's what's triggering me... that feeling of emptiness. But I do honestly think she's a unique person, that's not just my heart coming out through my mouth.

[Steve-O]

...Mad rep to all the good advice in this thread, especially Steve-O because he must've taken an hour to type all of that down ! :TU: ...hee don't know mee vewey wewl doo hee??? hehe ;) :D

it's all good man. i'm d-series' self-professed longest poster. i can actually type things like that on coffee break at work if you are really curious to know ;). at a customer serv job interview i did 75 words per min on my test baby YEYAH!!!!!!!!

[MrHalder]

hee don't know mee vewey wewl doo hee??? hehe ;) :D

it's all good man. i'm d-series' self-professed longest poster. i can actually type things like that on coffee break at work if you are really curious to know ;). at a customer serv job interview i did 75 words per min on my test baby YEYAH!!!!!!!!


I can type like 14 words per min, if all the words have to be spelled correctly.


As for yourself, just keep going like you are...and it sounds like everything has worked itself out, funny how things do that....

[93civiccx]

Glad to hear that she actually talked to you. Good things come to those who wait. Or something like that.

[Tsunami]

Yeah man just let things happen. Props for telling her straight up.. Thats the hardest step.. Just keep life going good for ya and everything happens all together.. Just like I had some family issues and court and a whole bunch of other crazy shit going on, but I took one issuse at a time.. Focused and now I have mostly everything sorted out and met my current girl along the way.. Going to be 11 months soon too.. So just clear things up and stay focused. "The universe tends to unfold as it should..."

P.S. Great advice Steve-O, mad props to ya too!

[CIVICRicerBoy]

:TU:for talking to her. It was the best thing to do. Glad it's starting to work itself out!